Carla’s Crisis
Carla thought she was going to lose her mind! Her carefully planned schedule seemed to be working, but just a few weeks into the summer, everything came tumbling down like a house of cards. One of the counselors at her kids’ summer camp came down with Covid, and the whole camp had to be closed for the rest of the week. That meant kids in quarantine and no childcare help. And, in addition to working part time, Carla takes care of her mother, Anne, who is suffering from macular degeneration, and can no longer drive. And Anne has an eye doctor’s appointment she just can’t miss.
Planning Ahead
One of the best ways to cope with unforeseen circumstances such as Carla has experienced is to assume that there will be challenging times and to prepare for them. Having a backup or emergency plan will give options for when carefully crafted and balanced schedules fall apart. A ready-to-go list of vetted neighbors or friends who can help in a pinch will make situations like Carla’s more manageable.
Use Outside Services
Many communities have paratransit services that specifically serve those with disabilities, such as Anne. Most need to be scheduled in advance, but some may offer last-minute transportation depending on availability. Some municipalities, senior centers, and councils on aging also offer transportation for older adults. Knowing ahead of time what is available in your area and having a ready list of transportation providers is essential.
Divvy Up Responsibilities
Carla has a sister, Judy, who lives on the other side of the state, about two hours away. Carla sometimes resents the fact that Judy isn’t around to help—and Judy often feels left out because she doesn’t live as close to her mother as Carla does.
A frank conversation between the sisters led to some changes, and Judy has now taken on the tasks of calling her mother every morning and evening to make sure she has taken her medications. Judy also engaged a meal delivery service so she and Carla know her mother is eating well, in particular a diet that may help slow the progression of Anne’s macular degeneration. Judy has also committed to spending a weekend every other month with her mother both to feel closer to her and to give Carla a break.
Consider a Shared Family Calendar
Another solution Carla and Judy agreed on is a shared family calendar. Apps such as the Cozi Family Organizer, Family Wall, and Google Calendar can keep everyone on the same page in terms of scheduling and managing a loved one’s care. By facilitating communication regarding meals, medications, and doctors’ appointments for Anne and block-out times for school conferences, soccer games, business trips, and work and family commitments for Carla and Judy, the app keeps the extended family organized.
Schedule “You” Time
With better communication has come greater understanding and empathy. To show her appreciation for everything Carla does for their mother, Judy surprised Carla by blocking in a spa day for her on the family calendar. Judy paid for Carla’s visit when she booked the time—and, because of the shared calendar, she knew that Carla wouldn’t be missing a soccer game! Needless to say, Carla was refreshed by her visit to the spa—and is grateful to her sister for her generosity and her appreciation.
Respite Care
Everyone needs a break, and Carla is certainly no exception! When she and her family decided to spend a long weekend at the beach before school started in late August, Carla spoke with her mother about a brief stay in a nearby Life Plan Community. The community would provide short-term care for Anne so Carla could enjoy a worry-free getaway since Judy had a prior commitment, and wasn’t able to stay for the weekend.
The National Institute on Aging provides more information on respite care and how to find the right provider at www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-respite-care.
Finding Balance
The family calendar now streamlines communication among everyone involved in Anne’s care. And, with the help of community resources, good neighbors and friends, her sister, and the Respite Care provided by a Life Plan Community, Carla has been able to take better care of her mother—and herself!
